Random Subject Heading: WTF?!? Librarian Finds Smallpox Scabs Inside an Old Book

Grocery and to-do lists. Photographs. A Band-Aid.  A plane ticket to Frankfurt in the smoking section from 1989.  A moldy piece of Kraft cheese. Crushed up medication. All together now: “These are a few of my favorite things” – just kidding! These are few of the things I’ve found inside of library books during my amazing career, but fortunately none of them have been as much fun as smallpox scabs.

However one lucky librarian did have the pleasure of finding the red plague tucked inside a book.  At a university library in New Mexico, a book on Civil War medicine contained an ancient envelope that had the enticing description “scabs from vaccination of WB Yarrington’s children” which, of course, demanded that it be opened to release its guaranteed “dried up old mummy scabs.” 

Special Delivery: It's for you!

The librarian, Susanne Caro contacted the National Museum of Civil War Medicine, which in turn called Walter Reed, then the CDC, and within a couple days the FBI arrived to get the scabs, but only after questioning the librarian as to whether someone could’ve planted the scabs in the book.  “Her answer ‘was a great big no,’ according to Caro.”

Aside from being a disgusting cautionary tale for those of us in the lib biz, my favorite part of this article was that “clearly, this was a book that no one but the author himself had ever read.” Imagine not only the journey and process involved in writing a book, but then shoving some crusted, poxed up skin flakes into said book in the name of medicine…and then no one bothers to read your damn book or find your disgusting science experiment.  That book is your work, your sweat, your time away from your kids who want to know why you are keeping the scabs of other kids, massaging them gently and whispering “my precious.”  It’s kinda embarrassing.

So if I ever get around to completing a novel, I think I might put some scabs inside it too.  That way if anyone bothers to crack the spine it will make the evening news.  And my parents will be proud.  

Footnote: A I am aware that I am quoting Cracked as a news source.

Trending Topics: National Library Week - Reading, the difference between yucky and delicious

National Library Week and literacy go hand in hand.  Everyone knows reading is important, but when it comes to following directions, reading labels or warning signs it becomes especially significant. 

I considered this fact this morning when instead of "This medication may taste better if chewed or crushed" my cold medicine actually recommends "This medication may taste bitter if chewed or crushed."

I'm glad I took the time to reread it before following the false eating suggestion for improved tastiness.

Overheard @ The Info Desk: Make it work!

No, it wasn't a Tim Gunn "Make it work" moment, but rather a patron "Make it work FOR ME" situation when the phone rang this morning.

Me: Hello, X Public Library, information desk, may I help you? 

Not Tim Gunn: This CD I got from the library, I need help.

Me: What can I help you with? Is the CD not working?

NTG: (long pause, clattering sounds in the background)...No...I mean, yes...the CD won't play.  I borrowed it yesterday from your library...I want you to make it work.

Me: Ok...well, what are you trying to play it on?

NTG: ... (more clattering sounds) ...

Me: Hello? Are you still there?

NTG: Yes...sorry, I'm driving right now...I'm lost and trying to find this restaurant I'm going to meet my friend at... 

Me: Ok, well...I'm sorry you're lost, do you need directions?

NTG: (sounds like gears are grinding) No, I don't need directions, what I need is for you to make this CD work.

Me: Are you trying to play it on your car CD player?

NTG: No, my car doesn't play CDs, it's new and the stereo doesn't play CDs.  I am talking about at my house, my computer, it won't play.  I put the CD in and nothing happens, there's no sound.  I'm supposed to have it read for a class I'm taking but I don't have time, which is why I got the book on CD, but it won't work.

Me: What program are you using to play the CD on in your computer?

NTG: What do you mean? I put it in my computer and it won't play, I just need you to tell me how to make it work.

Me: I mean what program -- Windows Media Player, iTunes -- what program are you using to try to play the CD?

NTG: ...Um...I don't know...

Me: Ok, well have you tried to play it on another device aside from your computer? Do you have a regular CD player?

NTG: ...Um...uh...I'm going to have to call you back.  I'm meeting my friend right now for lunch and I don't have time to talk about this now.

This is one of my favorite phone call responses -- when I am made to feel that I have interrupted or disturbed someone when they called me.  I tell the patron to call back later when they have more time to talk and we hang up.  About two hours later she calls back, she has discovered what needed to happen to make it work: the laptop was not on.  Of course, I never came out and specifically asked her if it was on or plugged in, so it's partly my fault, but at least she now knows that in order to play a CD the device needs to be on -- instead of prying the CD tray open with her fingernails and putting the CD inside while the power's off.  It's nice when the problems are so quick and easy to fix

Fun way to kick off National Library Week! :)

Random Subject Heading: Gimmicky Books -- Authorship

Maybe "gimmicky" is a harsh sounding word, perhaps "trendy" would be better, but it doesn't have the rawr of cattiness.  Anyway, on Tumblr yesterday I was accosted by Tumblr Staff’s announcement the The Great Tumblr Book Search was over and they have a winner: Shit Rough Drafts – which “imagines early drafts of famous literary works and screenplays” and, as grand prize winner, received a book deal.

Interested in seeing what made the top of the list, I clicked on the link and spent some time reading Shit Rough Drafts and unfortunately was let down.  A “laugh out loud” idea that would be pitched to Chronicle Books via Tumblr to get their attention, then the editors would select a winner for publication.  I don’t know, I guess since they stressed they were “looking for humor” I was hoping that it would be lol inducing, but Shit Rough Drafts is just…eh.  Maybe I shouldn’t expect that much considering the other Tumblrs Chronicle Books cites as examples, but I feel like it should at least be funny – “not amused smile but bored after two minutes.”  Incidentally, I’d much rather see Seinfelt be made into a book, of course the recent posts have been a bit long winded and not as hilarious as entries such as The Booger Wall (and yes, I am very immature, (as if you didn’t know that already)).

I also suppose it’s entirely possible that the book deal offer doesn’t have to involve the Tumblr entry and could be something else…but I have strayed from my original intended topic: gimmick books.  In recent years, popular fiction went from vampires to zombies to werewolves and now erotic fanfic is all the rage.  Lately it seems like the publishing industry has turned to popular websites – and not just typical blogs, but Tumblr accounts and Twitter, as a mine for books, tv shows, and movies.  I guess what interests me the most is that previously at least blogs had some sort of written and thought out content, but now the sites that are getting attention are ones with an idea that catches on and then all the content is generated by its readers, instead an actual traditional “author” (case in point any of the “Award __ Photos”).  I also realize that this is part of the cyclical nature of trends -- not just in the publishing world, but it's definitely not a new phenomena.

I suppose I should offer Shit Rough Drafts kudos for not just reposting submitted stuff from others, but at the same time I’m trying to think of a gimmick of my own that I can somehow spin off into a book deal, that doesn’t involve zombies, or cats, or singing and dancing.  Hmm…

Trending Topics: Don't touch that!

Aside from the bunned, bespectacled librarian, the other stereotype most closely associated with libraries is probably the library creep and, those of us in business know, that sometimes these creeps...take matters into their own hands.

Image from tumblr, source unknown

So although this isn't an uncommon occurrence, one of the top library stories this past week is the story of a man forbidden from "all libraries on the face of the Earth" after his activities at the Racine Public library.  How is that even enforceable?  An ankle monitor bracelet?

The story got some extra mileage by LJ's Annoyed Librarian entry yesterday dedicated to possible workarounds of the Earthly library ban for this man so that he can get his library fix and oddly likened public masturbation to sex in libraries (?).  What I'm curious about is when will these stories stop being newsworthy -- or maybe a better question is who are these stories newsworthy to?  As I mentioned before, library biz folk aren't really phased by these stories.  This is not to say that it's acceptable or in any way "normal," (one never forgets their first interaction with a 'bater) but the majority of people who seem to get worked up about it are the general public.  I suppose this is because they can't imagine coming into the office one day to find Jenkins openly shaking hands with the man downstairs.  I envy them in that way.

Trending Topics: Job Security for realz, this one has Secret Service agents involved

Last year I posted a job announcement for a "wine librarian," today I post one for being the Commander in Chief's librarian. That's right, Obam-arian! 

I'm trying to imagine myself saying, "Mr. President, I was able to locate that book with the blue cover you were searching for," or him swiveling around in his chair (yes, I know he's not a Bond character) and request that I brief him on how to download a book on his iPad -- oh, and fix the jam in the copier too...

I browsed the requirements and was like, "yes...yes...me also...me totally..." and then of course come the more important stuff like having specialized experience such as General Schedule grade equivalent salary, dealing with federal acquisitions and procuring government contracts.  You know, the stuff that would be key factors to obtaining such a high profile job, not advising him on what to read next.

So while I'm one DC metro librarian who won't be applying for this cool gig, those who are interested will need to get their act together since the position closes today.  Until Obama is interested in finding out what the book club selection will be this month, I'll just be over in the corner pretending that I scored that wine-o job and giving sassback to that copier.

Overheard @ The Info Desk: Ummm

A woman with bright red lipstick, a very pretty shade but just slightly on her front tooth, approaches the information desk:

Lipstick Tooth: I'm looking for books...

Me: ...Yes?

Lipstick Tooth: ...books by former CIA agents.

Me: Like biographies or a tell all, something like that?

Lipstick Tooth: ...sort-of.  But they should be exciting stories -- the people don't all have to be real.

Me:  So are you looking for nonfiction or fiction? Fictional stories about CIA agents that were perhaps written by former agents?

Lipstick Tooth: No, not fiction, I want them to be real, true stories.  You know how the story is true but the writer twists it and changes somethings, adds people.

Me:  Ok, maybe they are based on real events or people but are fictionalized? Based on a true story type of thing?

Lipstick Tooth: (slightly exasperated) Yes, but the basic plot should be true -- not make-believe.  The truth but with more added to it.  You know, building on the truth...but they have to be written by former CIA agents, what happened to them on their missions.

Me: (also slightly exasperated) So...based on a true story?

Lipstick Tooth: Yes except real.  Like those Bourne Identity movies.

Me: The Bourne Identity movies are actually based off of a series of books, would you be interested in those or books like those?

Lipstick Tooth: No, because it's not real.  I said like the Bourne Identity but true and it happened to a former CIA agent.  I want that. (pauses) Nevermind, I'll just go look for myself (heads off in the direction of fiction).

A few minutes later, she stops at the desk again:

Lipstick Tooth: What about a list of CIA agents that live in this area? I could look up books by them.

Me: Uhhh, I'm pretty sure that some of that information is classified.

Lipstick Tooth: It's ok, my friend has a list, I'll get it from him (walks off).