Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Library of the future: If you want it, it exists!

A woman approaches the desk, dragging her son on a leash behind her.
Woman: I want the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving book for Mickey Mouse, where is it?
Me: ?!
Woman: That book, Charlie Brown Happy Thanksgiving, I want that but for Mickey Mouse. Actually, I want both, give me both.
Me: (does some typing in the catalog) We have the movie "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" but no book.
Woman: No, not the movie, the book.
Me: We don't own it.
Woman: What about the (one of our other branches) library?
Me: I'm checking for the whole system, we don't own it.
Woman: Well, what about the book version with Mickey Mouse?
Me: You mean, you would like a book about Thanksgiving with Mickey Mouse as one of the characters?
Woman: Yes! (this is said in a tone like, "duh!")
Me: We don't have many materials with Mickey Mouse as the main character and most of the ones that we do own are movies, and none of them are about Thanksgiving.
Woman: No, not the movie, the book.
Me: Yes, I understand, but there are no books, or at least the library does not own them.
Woman: Oh.
Me: Would you like me to put you on hold for the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving movie?
Woman: Yes (takes 10 minutes to locate her card)
Me: Ok, all copies are currently out but we will email you as soon as this movie checks in.
Woman: No, not movie, the book is what I want!
Me: But we don't have the book, just the movie. And nothing for Mickey Mouse, only Charlie Brown, but again only the movie.
Woman: Well take it off hold then, I said I don't want the movie!

15 minutes later, the woman returns. Now she wants to be on hold for the movie.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Reasons why I should never be left in charge

I have never wanted to be President. In elementary school, as my classmates crafted letters to The-Big-Jellybean-Eater-Himself and drew their future selves cloaked in American flags and living in the White House, I was on a different path. I never aspired to be the man, the head honcho, the big cheese, supreme dictator, etc. Sure, I wanted a title, but one of much less importance, less responsibility. When I ran for position in student government or for club chairs I aimed my sights low. Even vice president was too lofty a position, why not treasurer? When was the last time someone looked to parent council representative to make an important decision?

For my graduate school courses I elected not to take any focusing in management because, who are we kidding, I do not belong there. It's not that I don't think I'm capable of doing the job, because I often find myself in the unenviable role of leader, it's just that I'm lazy and don't want to do it. I am the real life female equivalent to Billy Madison -- my ideal life is all about Snack Pack pudding and pummelling small children with dodgeballs while blasting the Ramones.

So you can imagine that I pee a little every time I'm told that I'm the "PIC" or "person in charge" of the building for the day. Every time I'm scheduled to work on a day or night that my branch manager and supervisor are not present, I make silent deals with any religious deity that will listen that during the time I'm in charge the building should not burn down, the internets should not stop working, nor should the homeless get antsy and start throwing books. Hell, I don't even want a kid to have a temper tantrum or see some Starbucks crazed mom bitch about paying late fees. I like living in cruise control, which is why all the things that can go wrong magically happen when I'm left to steer the library boat off course. Such as having a kid throw a rock through a window. Or having an angry and out of control adolescent beating up his tutor and screaming cuss words. Oh the countless joys of filling out legal forms hours after you stopped getting paid! They say you never forget your first incident report...

Should there every be a zombie invasion I will probably be the PIC that day too.
Aw, who am I kidding? I just wanted to show off my nifty zombie librarian Halloween costume...