Thursday, November 4, 2010

Reasons why I should never be left in charge

I have never wanted to be President. In elementary school, as my classmates crafted letters to The-Big-Jellybean-Eater-Himself and drew their future selves cloaked in American flags and living in the White House, I was on a different path. I never aspired to be the man, the head honcho, the big cheese, supreme dictator, etc. Sure, I wanted a title, but one of much less importance, less responsibility. When I ran for position in student government or for club chairs I aimed my sights low. Even vice president was too lofty a position, why not treasurer? When was the last time someone looked to parent council representative to make an important decision?

For my graduate school courses I elected not to take any focusing in management because, who are we kidding, I do not belong there. It's not that I don't think I'm capable of doing the job, because I often find myself in the unenviable role of leader, it's just that I'm lazy and don't want to do it. I am the real life female equivalent to Billy Madison -- my ideal life is all about Snack Pack pudding and pummelling small children with dodgeballs while blasting the Ramones.

So you can imagine that I pee a little every time I'm told that I'm the "PIC" or "person in charge" of the building for the day. Every time I'm scheduled to work on a day or night that my branch manager and supervisor are not present, I make silent deals with any religious deity that will listen that during the time I'm in charge the building should not burn down, the internets should not stop working, nor should the homeless get antsy and start throwing books. Hell, I don't even want a kid to have a temper tantrum or see some Starbucks crazed mom bitch about paying late fees. I like living in cruise control, which is why all the things that can go wrong magically happen when I'm left to steer the library boat off course. Such as having a kid throw a rock through a window. Or having an angry and out of control adolescent beating up his tutor and screaming cuss words. Oh the countless joys of filling out legal forms hours after you stopped getting paid! They say you never forget your first incident report...

Should there every be a zombie invasion I will probably be the PIC that day too.
Aw, who am I kidding? I just wanted to show off my nifty zombie librarian Halloween costume...


  1. I feel the same way. I'm in a position now at work where the only way I can move up at all is if I start *supervising* people. I can't believe someone might expect me to do that. I even hesitatingly took a position as *assistant* fire warden for my office. Assistant! Meaning if the lead fire warden was out, which is rare, I would be the one having to check the few offices and make sure everyone is out during a fire drill. Do not want.

  2. Bad ass costume! Zombies FTW!
    Did you wear that while working the info desk?

  3. I can't wait until they put me in charge! I'm cleaning house!

    And nice zombie costume (if that is really you... or some zombie clone?).

  4. We had that book at the public library I worked at. As well as some other romance novels from the series, "tales from the sea". Creepy merman romance? Libraries have it all. And very nice costume :)

  5. Yes, that's me in the costume :)
    And no, I didn't wear it to work, though I would have liked to. I've been burned in the past by coworkers who claim they'll dress up, only for me to show up feeling quite ridiculous dressed as a messed up Courtney Love with everyone else in regular work attire.

  6. If you don't like working at the children's desk, that outfit would have been perfect! I didn't work on Halloween this year. I was planning to dress up as a waiter, since that's what I feel like most of the time anyway.

  7. How did you get the book to stay? I'm the librarian at our middle school, and we just got word that we can all go as zombies on Halloween.