Woman approaches the reference desk slowly as if I am a small animal that might get frightened and run. Her whole way of moving is what makes me look up, her spidery legs taking steps forward from the circulation desk, but the entire upper part of her body is stiff. There is a frozen smile on her face, her eyes are bulging to the size of golf balls and the eyebrows are raised so high they are almost to her hairline.
Possibly Crazy Woman: Hiiiiiiii, there. How are you doing?
Me: (thinks: Greaaaat. Someone who wants a favor from me) Hello. How can I help you?
PCW: The funniest thing happened: I've been waiting and waiting for this The Lovely Bones to come in, and I finally got the call it was ready and I come to pick it up and it's the book on CD version, not the DVD.
Whenever someone says "the funniest thing happened" it usually isn't funny at all, but something that reflects their stupidity.
Me: ... Would you like me to request you the DVD version?
PCW: Well, you see, I went to go do that myself, but I noticed that I'd be number 80 and it doesn't seem fair for me to have to go to the end of the wait list, just because I put a hold on the wrong one.
Me: But you see, it wouldn't be fair to put you at the front of the list to everyone who put the right format on hold.
Her expression doesn't change. I'm slightly concerned she is trying to mentally bend me to her will.
Me: I'm sorry, I can request the DVD for you, but I can't move you to the front of the wait list.
Finally, it seemed she understood that she wasn't going to get what she wanted just because she made googly eyes at me and spoke in a sugary voice. Her smile faded and her eyeballs receded back into her skull, but her eyebrows stayed raised, as if she was surprised someone told her 45-year-old-SUV-driving-white-lady-with-fake-nails-and-spray-tan ass "no" for the first time.